Abnegation
by Azeleas
Summary: abnegation, n; to deny or renounce (something) to oneself. In which Ace is adamantly denying himself what he truly wants. AU. Ace/fem!Luffy


Luffy walked down the dark hallway with one destination in mind. Once she got to the door she slowly opened it.

"Ace, are you awake?" she mumbled, peeking her small head out of the door. She saw the covers of his bed rumble rapidly as he sat up barely. She noticed his shirt was off.

"L-Luffy, get out!" he yelled, still fumbling under the covers.

"But... but I'm scared." she muttered, looking away.

"Just get out and give me a minute!" he said harshly.

She closed the door and stood against it, slowly counting to 60.

Once she reached the number, she slowly eased the door back open. "Can I come in now?" she whispered.

"Yeah." he said grumpily, after a short period of silence.

She scuttled across the floor swiftly. Going to the opposite side of the still shirtless boy, she eased her way under the covers. Once she made herself more comfortable, she laid there on her back, staring at the ceiling and not enjoying the awkward silence.

"I'm sorry." she said, looking at the back of his head. He turned his back to her the moment she got in the bed.

"Don't worry about it." he grumbled, "I forgot to lock my door, so it's my fault."

She looked away from him, clenching at the covers around her chest, which was to her disappointment still flat for the average thirteen-year old.

"So... what were you doing?" she asked casually.

He jumped at her sudden question. "Nothing!" he said quickly.

She frowned to herself. Ace never kept secrets from her, but she knew he was keeping one now. Turning over on her side, she tried to conceal the tears that started to flow down her face. She hugged the cover close, and began that uncontrollable sniffle.

Ace heard her small cries, and turned over concerned. "Listen Lu, I'm really sorry." he said, now being the one to gaze at the back of her head.

She sniffed, "If you don't like me anymore, just say it."

He sighed heavily. "It's not like that."

"Yes, it is!" she cried.

"I'm sorry, okay? You just walked in on me while I was... clipping my toe nails."

She turned to look at him with tears still falling down her face. "You're not upset with me, are you?" she questioned.

"No, of course not. You... just caught me off guard." he mumbled.

She quickly leaned over and hugged him. His body was warm. "I thought I was going to lose you." she said very relieved.

"Where did that come from?" He hugged her back slightly, "You know that's _never_ going to happen."

They laid there for a while until Ace spoke again, "Can you do something for me?"

She removed her arms from around him. "Do what?" she questioned, still a bit heated.

"Call me yours." he mumbled, voice low and heart full.

This caused her to turn and look at him. "Mine..." she whispered as she stared into his eyes.

"Yeah, no matter where we are in life, we'll always be each other's."

Luffy beamed and smiled widely. "Hmm." she hummed, "You're mine and I'm yours, Ace. No matter what happens."

* * *

><p>Luffy quietly entered the apartment while she loosely held her bag. It was dim and quiet inside except, there was a distinct sound that settled within the bathroom walls. Was someone taking a shower? Wait... Did someone break into the apartment?<p>

She had this place all to herself ever since Ace left to college two years ago. Their grandfather visited them occasionally, but his visits became rare as they grew older.

She walked towards Ace's room as the sound of water grew louder. The door was slightly cracked and a small beam of light escaped. She gave a light sniffle and tried her best to be silent while she eased the bedroom door open. Curiosity getting the best of her, she tip toed to the bathroom which steam steadily escaped underneath the door. A mumbled sound caught her ear making her more eager to know the culprit. Grasping the cool door handle, it stunned her as it quietly clicked open.

She gripped her bag tighter with more anticipation than she thought she would have. Something curled within her stomach, egging her on to enter and see who was on the other side. Her feet were hesitant against the tile flooring, but her eyes were very eager. The muffled sound from earlier was now more vividly distinct moans. She watched as a fuzzy but brawny figure hunched over with one hand pressing against the front shower wall. The hair was a dark colour, but the water made it distorted giving it more length.

_Was it Ace? It had to be him. But he only returned over the holidays..._

Luffy quarried for a moment, but she was still unable to take her eyes away from the leery sight.

The water ran down along his body as he leaned underneath the riveting shower head. He moaned again. Trailing down his body, she noticed his other hand moving in precise, slow motions. Luffy gasped, trying to remember she was snooping and covered her mouth in denied excitement. She has always dreamed of seeing Ace like this, but not if he wasn't aware of her presence.

He was stroking himself and pushed out along his hand's motions. She watched almost mesmerized, feeling a blush cross her heated face. Another moan passed his lips as he turned his head up towards the falling water.

"God... Luffy." he mumbled.

Her eyes widened in surprise, feeling caught but she was too stunned to move. She turned her head, feeling a bit embarrassed. After a moment of silence followed by another groan she turned back.

He was still in the shower stroking himself, but... why did he say her name? She was so confused now. It was no secret between them that Luffy has always had feelings for Ace she shouldn't have, but he never reciprocated them. Wasn't he the one who'd always remind her how she was his precious, little sister? Fortunately, her love and adoration for him didn't cost her their deep-seated, albeit extremely complicated relationship. They even became closer than ever before... if that's possible.

She watched this time even more intrigued. He began to stroke himself harder and faster as his grunts became incessant. He was so close to release. He rubbed himself swiftly while leaning his forearm against the shower as his body tensed.

He groaned loudly this time. "Lu... Luffy!"

Her eyes continued to watch as he came down from his orgasm. Ace was standing underneath the swift water that washed his cum away. He sighed, finally in control of his breathing. He let the water rinse the rest of his body before he leaned over and shut it off.

Luffy was so caught up with the way he called her name when he came and the way he stroked himself faster before his release. She was so turned on, she was holding in all this sexual frustration that she felt like she was about to explode.

A shaky, surprised voice then called out to her, "Luffy?"

Snapping from her sexual depravity, she looked over to... wait that's... Ace?

His body looked bigger with more stature than the last time she's seen him. He was taller and his hair was a bit longer too. His muscles were stocked and brawny while the water that dripped off his body heightened the sexual aura.

Her eyes trailed along his pelvis to notice his no longer soft cock becoming hard. She blushed.

"I'm sorry!" she cried, her face was on fire with embarrassment.

"Uh..." he mumbled, as he reached for his towel and wrapped it firmly around his waist. He lightly pulled his hand through his moist long hair. "Well... that's embarrassing." A blush stained his cheeks, but it seemed like he had no shame.

* * *

><p>Luffy sighed and closed the door lightly. Going to the top drawer of Ace's dresser, she pulled out a big white tee shirt. Wearing his clothes to bed always soothed her. She pulled the tee shirt over, covering her body after she undressed, and put on a pair of boxers.<p>

"Well, this makes us both peeping toms." She jumped and turned to see Ace standing in the bathroom door, now wearing a pair of boxers but no shirt.

"Gah, pervert! I was naked!" she cried with a slight pout, wrapping her arms around her body.

He laughed. "Takes one to know one."

She smiled and gave a light giggle to his humour. He stepped over and lightly placed lotion on his shoulder while she sat on the bed and watched.

"So, is there a reason why you're home early?" she began, seeming trying to remember something. "You weren't supposed to be here for two more weeks. Not that I mind, of course."

He came over and sat on the bed next to Luffy. "I sent you an email about coming home early this weekend. You didn't get it? I was going to call you, but I lost my phone a while ago."

"Right. Shi, shi, shi." She felt beyond bashful. Why is he so nonchalant about her catching him masturbating? She thought back to the first time she caught him. Of course then she didn't know what he was doing. She shuddered thinking about the way he called her name.

"Always spacing out." He chuckled before gazing at her with those unreadable grey eyes.

She blushed for the millionth time that night. "You of all people should know better than anybody." she mumbled.

She felt his hand make contact with hers. His hands were calloused, but so much gentleness emanated from his small gesture.

"I missed you so much, Lu." he whispered, placing a sweet, lingering kiss against the teen's forehead. Luffy hugged the taller body flush against hers, hiding her face into his chest.

"You wanna sleep in here tonight?" he asked. "It'll be just like the good old times."

"Hmm." she hummed sweetly, nodding her head in agreement.

* * *

><p>They were both huddled under his covers. Luffy was lying on her side while Ace was lying behind her, on his back.<p>

"A lot on your mind?" he mumbled lightly next to her, catching her attention in surprise.

She shuffled a bit. "Yeah. I can't sleep."

He laughed. "Me either."

It was silent for what felt like minutes. Then Ace spoke up again.

"What's on your mind, Lu? You know you can tell me."

She felt him shuffle. His chest slowly pressed to her back and his breath trailed along her neck.

A deep blush spread from her head to her neck, and she cringed from the close contact. She tried to turn over, making him scoot a bit away from her. She was now facing him as they both lay on their sides.

His eyes were on her, and instead of admiring his body, she looked back to his eyes.

"You have no idea how much I love you, do you?" She sat up and looked straight into his eyes.

Ace flinched a little and looked at her solemnly. This was not the conversation he was expecting.

"You always provoked me with your 'I love you too, Lu', but I know you didn't mean it. I know you only said it to make me feel better." Honestly, her emotions were getting the best of her and she was passionately exhausted. Who knew when she would get another opportunity like this? "I want to hate you so much even though you're the only one I have." she cried, pressing her hands on his chest in hopes to push him away, but she felt so weak. "Even though I'm so glad that you're in my life..."

"I-" He started. She looked up at him, her hands still on his chest.

He brought one hand up to embrace one of hers. "I wish you only knew the amount of love I have for you."

He sat up and their lips came together none too willingly. Luffy's tears were gone; the only thing left was surprise. Ace was actually kissing her for the first time. He let go of her hand and pulled her to him, keeping her in the kiss by placing his hand on her back. She was in his lap and her hands were crushed between both of their chests, but that didn't stop her from pushing him away. Right when she thought she was about to suffocate, he pulled back.

Her tear stained face hung low. This was so confusing.

"We grew up together, Lu. What love isn't more natural?"

She could feel tears building up behind her eyes. She tried to hold them back, but it pained her throat and heart more than anything.

"What about when you leave? What then?" she choked out. Her nose had become stuffy.

He smiled and placed his forehead to hers; his grip finally loosening.

"Don't worry about that, okay?" he whispered, closing his eyes. "Wherever I go, I'll always be yours, remember?"

Their foreheads were still connected, and his eyes were still closed. Luffy stared at his relaxed face. If what he said was true, then she shouldn't regret...

She leaned in and pressed her lips to his. This time he was a bit surprised. Her hands moved from his chest to his shoulders. Her legs were spread to each side of his; she hovered over his lap rather than just sitting. It didn't take him long to partake in the kiss, after the first 30 seconds he was leading her. It was slow, but Ace wanted to make her feel valuable. Luffy, on the other hand, wanted to take it further. She bit on his lower lip slightly, which made him open his eyes to look at her. He opened his mouth to invade hers. Their tongues rubbed and ran against each other.

Luffy got a bit more aggressive by leaning up higher. She pushed him back more so that he would have to raise his head to keep kissing. Her body was dominating, yet he was still only rubbing her back.

Ace's lips left Luffy's unexpectedly. He took a deep breath and smiled at her.

"Do you know the difference between making love and fucking?" he asked.

The 'F' word sent a shiver down her spine. She obviously wasn't in the making love mood. But to answer his question, "It's... when two people feel a certain way toward each other and-"

"You should wait until you have a better understanding of the two before you give up something precious."

"Why do you always have to talk to me like I'm a child?" She pouted at his smartass interjection.

"In body, you're obviously not." he said, craftily looking her up and down. "But in heart, definitely."

Getting tired of his lectures, she reached down to place her hand on his crotch.

He jumped in surprise. She felt his hard cock through his boxers; she lightly fiddled to try and ease her way through the fabric.

"You don't have to masturbate while thinking about me when I'm right here. You can fuck me." she whispered into his ear, feeling goose bumps cover his skin.

She squeezed him and he grunted in response. She leaned in again and kissed him. The kiss was rougher, her grip was tighter, and he was more willing. She found herself still hovering over his lap. Ace's hands rested on her back and on her leg, so he gave her no hint to sit.

Kissing a bit harder she scooted up some, making sure that when she did plant her bottom, she placed it exactly where she wanted it. So she sat in his lap and gave a good grind.

He took a deep breath in, breaking their lips, but leaving their lips grazing.

"I need you Ace, and I know you need me too." she spoke no higher than a whisper. She pressed herself to him again.

This time he laughed after breaking their kiss. "If only you could handle me." He opened his eyes; they had a devious yet playful look to them. His hand on her thigh tightened almost painfully. The hand that was on her back went under her ass. He lifted her, then set her on her back none too gently. He leaned in over her after she landed on the bed.

His hand wandered the inside of her thigh. "You're so willing, how bad do you want me to fuck you?" he asked sternly, frowning a little.

"..."

He spread her legs so that he could lay his own in-between them. "That's what you want, right, to be fucked senseless." His hand ran across her stomach which slowly brought up her tee shirt.

Ace kept his eyes on her with a small smile. "I could take you into the shower and show you what I was really thinking about doing to you." he whispered in her ears.

He leaned down for a passionate kiss, taking her face in his hands before running them through her untamed hair. Luffy responded hungrily, pressing herself against him and fastening her arms about his neck. After some moments, Ace's lips wandered to Luffy's jawline, and then to her ear. Finally he took her neck, relishing the feeling of her soft, cool skin against his tongue.

He summoned all of his strength, every ounce of will he had, and planted one final chaste kiss on her shoulder before pulling his head back to look at her again. He gave her a sad smile.

"Someday." Luffy said, repeating the same words he had used so many times before, "but not yet."

"I'm sorry," Ace replied, pulling her to him in a hug.

"Don't be. I understand." she said, flashing him a toothy grin that was hard to look at. She tried to keep her voice as strong as possible, holding back tears.

He smiled at her words, kind but false. She didn't understand, not really. She wasn't born a bastard. Ace would take no chances on bringing another like himself into the world. He made up his mind long, long ago to do everything that his father didn't. If that meant denying himself Luffy until he could marry her, until their future together was certain, so be it. He was not his father. He was _not_ his father. I am not my father.


End file.
